I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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