The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
