Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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