oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize