And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
