Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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