covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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