Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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