She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
