I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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