I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
