she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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