Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
