drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
