so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
