So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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