Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize