i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
