You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
