So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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