When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Randomize