I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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