seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
