Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
