i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
