So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
