one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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