Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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