so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
