When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
