Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
