The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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