I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
