I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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