I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
