She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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