There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize