Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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