I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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