there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
