mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
