margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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