You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
