I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize