cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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