Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you had me at cake vodka
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
