It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
