You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
