i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
