Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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