Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
