Dual....:-)
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
