shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
