dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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