i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
