Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
