shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
