He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
