My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
