I wanna bring you to show and tell
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
