He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
