i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
