Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
