I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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