Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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