I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
