let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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