Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize