my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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